I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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