You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Green mimosas i think yes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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