Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
