A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
