I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize