And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
