Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
