Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize