The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
