Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
