I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i out mim tonsoeep
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