On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize