We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
