I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
