i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
