Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
