I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
