dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
