I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
