This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
