you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
