Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize