My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
