I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize