I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
