I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
