JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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