cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
