If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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