oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
