i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
