I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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