Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
