Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
