C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
