at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
