Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
