I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
