you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
