chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
