You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
