Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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