i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
