I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
