If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
