Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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