Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
