Whod you bang
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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