I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
