That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
