Kiss
Puke
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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