He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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