I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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