Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize