Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
