we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
