you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
