The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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