Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
