You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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