oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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