Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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